The Hoshidan Haunting
by robotortoise
Summary: Takumi chooses to ignore Izana's request that he join Corrin's entourage. Now Takumi is being haunted by one very annoying, very giggly ghost. What's a Hoshidan prince to do? One-shot.


**The Hoshidan Haunting**

* * *

"Corrin, no!" Takumi said, tossing and turning under his red-checkered bed sheets. "Don't choose to join Nohr! It's full of evil… people!"

"Not just evil _people_ ," Camilla corrected, now approaching the prince, her hips sashaying back and forth. "Evil _women_ who deserve to be punished."

"No!" Takumi cried. "Get away from me, Nohrian filth!"

"Ooh, I just _love_ it when you talk dirty to me," Camilla said, grinning. "Say something else, I'm begging you!"

"I won't indulge you in your perverted fantasies, traitor!" Takumi yelled, shakily raising his yumi.

Camilla raised an eyebrow. She put a hand on her chin, rubbing it. "I'm not a traitor, Takumi. I live here in Nohr. However, I _am_ certainly perverted."

"Wha-?"

He looked over at Camilla again, who was winking and now wearing nothing but a bra and panties. Granted, this was barely more revealing than her usual attire, but for an already flustered teenage boy, this was steadily approaching his tipping point.

"C-Camilla?" Takumi asked, beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable. "Why are you in your underwear?"

"I'm just joining the no-pants party," she said, giggling and pointing at Takumi's own pantaloons. He looked down, noticing for the first time that he was in naught but a pair of whitey-tidies.

"Oh no," he whimpered, his face reddening. "Could this day get any worse?"

"Lord Takumi!" Oboro yelled, running up to him with a pair of red boxers flapping around in her right hand. Hinata was beside her, gripping his katana.

"Oboro? Hinata?" Takumi cried, blushing further and hugging his arms. "What are you two doing here?"

"We're your retainers, Lord Takumi!" Oboro said. "Of course we'd be here!"

"Yeah!" Hinata said. "We can't leave you alone with a dangerous beauty like this around!" He winked at Camilla, who giggled, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Why is Hinata flirting with a Nohrian princess?" Takumi asked, raising an eyebrow. "Something about this whole situation seems… off."

"Now, to fix your underwear situation!" Oboro held up the red boxers. "This is the much more fashionable choice. Much better than… well, whatever _that_ is." She pointed at his crotch, clucking her tongue disapprovingly. "Really? Is that what you're wearing?"

"Now, now," Camilla chided. "Our prince here _does_ have good taste. Why, in fact, he has phenomenal taste… especially in women!"

Takumi paled. "Oh no."

"Why is that, Lady Camilla?" Hinata asked, smirking. "It's okay, I won't tell."

"Gods, no!" Takumi waved his hands, frantically shaking his head. "Camilla, don't tell her!"

"Why, our friend Takumi here has a schoolboy crush on none other than my beautiful-mmph!"

She didn't finish that thought. Takumi leapt on top of her, placing a hand over her mouth and muffling it.

"Oh, Lord Takumi, I didn't know you were this direct!" Oboro said.

He turned his head to face her. "Oboro, what in the world are you talking about?"

She didn't answer, merely shaking her head.

Hinata frowned. "I'm surprised at you, Lord Takumi. I didn't know you were that type of man."

Takumi squinted. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Hinata pointed towards the woman Takumi had pinned down, who was most certainly _not_ Camilla. She had long white hair, velvet-colored eyes, and a smile that said, "Hello, Takumi! Ravish me now!"

Takumi blinked. That last part may have just been his imagination.

He released his hand from her mouth, backing up on his hands and knees so he wasn't covering her mouth.

"Takumi?" Corrin said. She narrowed her eyebrows. "Why are you on top of me? Why was your hand on my mouth? And, most importantly," she looked downward, "why am I not wearing any clothing?"

Takumi gasped and looked downward. It was true; Corrin was only wearing a black bra and underwear; the same outfit Camilla had been wearing. However, it was now contoured to fit the beautiful princess's slim yet curved form. "Oh, gods…"

"It's okay, Takumi," Corrin said, softly stroking his right cheek with a long index finger. "I don't mind." She looked downward, where his hands were positioned on her chest and propping himself upwards.

She reddened. "Um, Takumi, could you please take your hands off of my-"

* * *

"BOO!"

"Wahh!" Takumi cried, leaping backwards in his bed.

He leapt off the side of the bed, scrambling around and patting the floor, groping around on the floor for his weapon. Finding it, he pointed the Fujin Yumi at the darkness, scanning for any and all intruders. "Come out, whoever you are! I've got a magical bow and I'm not afraid to use it!"

"You sure about that?" a ghastly Izana said, floating in front of Takumi's very freaked-out visage.

The archduke of Izumo had a pale complexion and was wearing a joyous expression.

…This is to say that Izana looked exactly the same as usual, even in undeath.

"Agh!" Takumi loosed an arrow with his yumi, which passed harmlessly through Izana's flour-white chest.

"Hey, that was mean," Izana said, puffing out his lower lip. "All I did was frighten you a teensy bit."

"Gah!" Takumi loosed another arrow at Izana, who turned his haunted head and cocked an eyebrow as the arrow passed through his face. "Get away from me!" he cried, backing up on his hands and rapidly shaking his knees.

Izana, shrugging, began floating towards the prince, arms raised outward like a zombie. "Oooooh!" he moaned. "Nooooooottttt until you joiiiiinnnnnn Corriiiinnnn!"

"Oh my gods!" Takumi's eyes widened. "I read about this in a book once! You and your ghoulish fiends hold me down and take turns nibbling on my innards! Then you eat my brain and leave my body for the buzzards!"

Izana narrowed his eyebrows. "Ew, that's disgusting! Nah, I just want you to join Corrin's army. Remember how I said that I'd haunt you if you didn't?"

Takumi stood up, dusting himself off. He crossed his arms. "Corrin is no sister of mine. She's a traitor to all of Hoshido."

"Pttth," Izana replied, sticking his tongue out and waving the matter away. "Come onnnnn! It's not like you're doing anything else with your time."

Takumi looked away, crossing his arms across his chest. "That is completely untrue. I've been very busy."

Izana titled his head, grinning. "Doing what?"

"Uh," Takumi said. "Politics."

"Really?" Izana asked. "Because I've been spying on you for the past week and all you've been doing is reading smutty romance novels."

"What?" Takumi cried, scrambling up on the bed. "How did you-?"

"I just told you. I've been watching you."

"That's creepy!" Takumi said, taking a step backwards. "Why would you do that?"

Izana shrugged. "I'm dead. What would you do in _your_ spare time if you were a ghost?"

Takumi rubbed his neck. "Er…"

Izana sighed, shaking his head. "Lady's bathing tent?"

"Lady's bathing tent," he confirmed, rubbing his neck and looking downward.

Izana used his fingers to drum on the top of the prince's bed. "So, you ready to join Corrin's army yet?"

Takumi scowled and grit his teeth, clenching his bow tight. "I'll never join that traitor!" He paused. "Also, it's nighttime."

Izana grinned deviously. "Ooh, I was kinda hoping you'd say that. Now I can mess with ya!"

Takumi sighed. "Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Nope!" Izana grinned. "Not until you agree to join Corrin."

"Fine, then I'll join Corrin."

Izana raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Of course not!" Takumi replied. He loosed yet another magical arrow through Izana, who only rolled his eyes at the gesture.

"I don't know why you keep trying that." He floated over to the corner of Takumi's room. "Hey, nice place you've got here. Is that a stuffed bear?"

Takumi's eyes widened as he leapt over to the corner with the stuffed animal. "Hey, don't touch my stuff!"

"Heehee," Izana giggled. "I didn't know you were the type of guy to keep stuffed animals in your room! How adorable."

"He's Sakura's!" Takumi said defensively, crossing his arms.

Izana raised his eyebrows. He looked down at the bear. "Heeyy, I wonder…"

Without warning, Izana flew straight in the path of the bear, disappearing inside of it. The bear began to hover in a circular motion, taking on an otherworldly blue tint that illuminated the room.

"What the…?" Takumi said, taking a step back. "Bearney, you're hovering!"

"How scrumptious!" the bear giggled. "You even named the bear? That _is_ adorable! Or should I say adorBEARable!"

The bear stopped floating for a moment, just hovering there. It then resumed its circular motion. "No, that pun doesn't really work," it said, shaking its stuffed head. "Never mind."

Takumi raised the arm holding the yumi, aiming it at the hovering bear. "What the hell's going on?"

"It's me! Izana!" the bear said, grinning and moving its sewn-on lips upwards. "I'm a bear now! Isn't that super cool?"

"No!" Takumi cried, shooting an arrow that the bear calmly dodged. "It's not cool at all! Get out of my bear, man!"

"Fiiiine," the object drawled.

Izana floated out of the stuffed animal, which suddenly dropped to the ground. "Party pooper." He flopped to the side of Takumi's bed, putting his hands on his chin and his elbows on the bed, grinning up at Takumi like a schoolgirl. "Sooooo," he drawled, "who do you liiiike?"

Takumi almost lost his grasp on the yumi. "WHAT?"

Izana kicked his legs up and down. "You know, who do you have a crush on? There a special gal pal in your life? Guy pal?"

"Why are we talking about this?" Takumi asked. "I thought you were trying to get me to join Corrin!"

"Well duh," Izana replied, snickering. "But I can see that you're not going to budge on that if I simply try and scare you into it."

Takumi crossed his arms. "You haven't been scary at all."

"So now I'm going to try and make you so uncomfortable that you HAVE to join Corrin!" Izana said, grinning.

"What if I don't answer?" Takumi asked, turning his head away. "What are you going to do to me?"

"Oh, me?" Izana replied slyly. "Nothing. However, Bearney here…" Izana hopped down from the bed and jumped back into the bear, squeezing his ghastly legs into the stuffed object, "might do something a little naughty!"

Takumi turned his head. "Huh?"

"Oh, geez!" the bear called out, hovering in place once more. "You sure are beautiful, Mister Takumi!"

"What _are_ you doing?"

"Gosh!" the bear cried, floating over to the prince and rubbing small circles on his arm. Takumi shuddered, hopping to the other side of the bed. The bear followed, continuing his snuggle assault. "You sure are super muscular, Mister Takumi!"

"Stop it!" Takumi cried. "Stop trying to seduce me, demon!"

"But whyyy?" the bear whimpered. "I only want to _wuv_ you!"

"Takumi?" a voice asked from the doorway. "Are you alright?"

"Hinata!" Takumi cried, jumping in place. "Help! I'm being haunted!"

"Huh?" Hinata replied, turning the knob and opening the door a crack, peeping into the darkened sliver. "Are you decent?"

"What?" Takumi cried. "Of course I am! Help me!"

"Okay," he said, shoving the door fully open. "Hey, why is Bearney rubbing your arm and glowing?"

"I just told you why!" Takumi cried out. "I'm being haunted!"

Hinata shivered, caressing his arms. "Wow, it's cold in here!"

"That would be the ghost that's caressing me _right now_!"

"Um, excuse me?" the bear interjected. "I _do_ have a name, you know."

"Oh my gods," Takumi said, putting a palm on his face. "Hinata, please just find Oboro… and your weapon."

"One second!" Hinata replied, cupping his hands on his face and screeching into the hallway. "Hey, Oboro! Wake up and come over here!"

Takumi put his palm on his face. "I could've done _that_. Can you go get her?"

With a fervent nod, Hinata ran off towards the other retainer's bedchambers.

* * *

" _Hah!_ " Oboro cried as she plunged her spear into the bear, the animal's stuffing falling out in spades. "Take that! And THAT! And some of that!"

It fell to the ground, lying in tatters.

"Hey, did we get it?" Hinata asked. "Is it gone?"

"I think so!" Oboro added, crossing her arms. "Looks like it was no match for my spear!"

"It's a _ghost_ , you guys," Takumi said, exhaling. "How is a spear going to kill it if it's already dead?"

"Huh," Hinata said. "Never knew you were such an expert on the occult, Lord Takumi!"

"It's pretty obvious, Hinata," Takumi said, exhaling.

"I'm gonna agree with the ponytail-prince," the bear added from its spot on the ground. At this point only its head remained, the rest of its body torn to smithereens.

"Stop talking!" Hinata cried. He walked over to the bear's disembodied head and started to hit it with the hilt of his katana. "You're dead! Dead things don't talk!"

"Hee hee!" the head giggled, rolling out of the path of the pointy bit. "Stop that! It tickles!"

"Now what?" Takumi asked.

Oboro tilted her head. "Have you tried talking to it?"

"Of course I have!" Takumi snapped. "That's the first thing I did!"

"Don't get mad at me," she said, frowning. "I'm not the one haunting you."

"Hey, new idea!" the bear head cried out. "Join Corrin's entourage… or else I'll blackmail you!"

Takumi looked at it curiously. "What information could you possibly have on me?"

"Hey, blueberry!" the bear head said. "Did you know Takumi likes to read? He has quite an extensive collection of, shall we say, _interesting_ stories, don'tcha know."

"Is that so?" Oboro asked. "Like what?"

"Oh, no," Takumi said, his eyes widening. "Fine! I concede, dammit! I'll join Corrin!"

"That's what I like to hear!" the bear head sang. "And no take-backsies, alright? Objects aren't the only thing ghosts can possess." It winked at Takumi, then the blue tint disappeared from the bear.

"Well, I suppose I'd better pack my stuff," Takumi said, sighing. "You two are coming with me."

"Lord Takumi?" Hinata asked. "What was it that the ghost mentioned about blackmail?"

"If it was blackmail-worthy," Oboro said, "it was obviously something he doesn't want us to know. I'd suggest dropping it."

"Aww, come on!" Hinata whined. "We're his best friends!" He grinned, looking at Takumi. "The ghost said it was something about books, right? Is it something weird? Do you read something weird?"

Takumi frowned. "Yes, Hinata. It was something very weird that I don't feel comfortable-"

"Lord Takumi?" Oboro asked. "What's this novel doing here on the floor?"

Takumi put a hand out. "Wait, don't-!"

Oboro turned it over. A drawing of a woman with a pronounced bust, reddened skin, and glowing red eyes could be seen on the cover. "'Bloodlust and Babes, a Reeking Risen Romance'. What kind of book _is_ this?"

Takumi's face reddened. "I, uh…"

"Remember," a giggling voice whispered from somewhere in the distance, "no take-backsies!"

Takumi sighed.

* * *

Author's Notes

This was originally submitted to the FE14Drabbles blog. I've had the idea of "what would Izana do if Takumi didn't join Corrin as Izana requested?" for a while, and so this silly thing was born.

Izana's a really fun character that's not used much, probably because he doesn't have all that much dialogue, being a Corrinsexual and all. I hope I've written him in-character!

Some people have the theory that Izana faked his death in _Revelation_ because he saw his future of never winning another best hair contest and couldn't deal with that, but I like to think he _actually_ died and just went around as a ghost messing with people. It's funnier that way.


End file.
